Keen Bellaluna.

2011-09-21T22:48:00.001+08:00

Please Allah. Please make me stronger. It seems that I'm losing hope.

ALONSO's

2011-09-13T09:38:00.001+08:00

A good morning to all! :)
I'm just hoping for a miracle now.
Stay strong and be positive!

On a lighter note,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAIZ ALONSO!
All the best in life bro!
Best buds! :)

2011-09-10T16:16:00.001+08:00

Makin lama makin tak sabar nak layan your perangai. Enough. Period.

Much Love

2011-09-04T08:35:00.001+08:00

Dear You,
You have been one of the greatest person i've met throughout my life.
You have also made one of the greatest impact in my life.
We've went through a lot of obstacles. You name it, we've overcome it.
Tests after tests. It makes us a stronger individual.
As days pass by, i pray that things will get better between us.

I love you, You.

2011-08-29T07:03:00.001+08:00

CRIB. enough said.

Forever and ever.

2011-08-24T14:07:00.001+08:00

I hope this time it will be forever.

YOU.

2011-08-19T00:57:00.001+08:00

You know exactly how to make me smile. You are just enough to make me smile to sleep. <3

Love like this.

2011-08-17T15:34:00.001+08:00

Cintaku bukanlah cinta biasa
Jika kamu yang memiliki
Dan kamu yang temaniku
Seumur hidupku

2011-07-23T09:49:00.001+08:00

This is it. Go hard or go home.

-Keeen.

2011-07-18T19:40:00.001+08:00

Just a few days left. it's either i make it or break it.
Whatever happens, i just hope you'll be fine.

2011-07-10T19:45:00.001+08:00

Wait and wait and wait... till i-dunnoe-when. Pfft!

2011-07-09T05:46:00.001+08:00

I.really.need.you.
I.am.so.down.
Please?

2011-07-01T15:16:00.001+08:00

I am missing you.. :(

2011-06-27T20:19:00.001+08:00

Every beginning has an end.

2011-06-23T20:43:00.001+08:00

To love and to be loved.

Enough said. Period.

2011-06-15T23:50:00.001+08:00

Ku menanti, dan tetap terus menanti..

2011-05-28T11:54:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was one of the best days i had. every minute was worth it!

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2011-05-26T23:26:00.001+08:00

You are just enough to make my day. :)

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sinus.

2011-05-20T23:28:00.001+08:00

Sinus has been back quite recently. lack of vitamin c i guess. Urgh!

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if only you knew.

2011-05-16T23:35:00.001+08:00

You're missed. by me.

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Chinta.

2011-05-11T10:53:00.001+08:00

Love just makes me smile. :)

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A rainy day

2011-05-10T11:21:00.003+08:00

After a few days of hot and humid weather, Allah gave us rain in return. thank you Allah! :)

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2011-02-01T23:18:00.003+08:00

"There is only one happiness in life,
to love and be loved."

But what if either one is not present? Does that mean that there won't be any happiness in life?

"Love is strong yet delicate.
It can be broken.
To truly love is to understand this.
To be in love is to respect this."

But what if it's broken? Does that mean that there won't be any love?

Love is something subjective. It's how you define it. No matter how you define it, it will never be wrong. So start defining.

2011-01-01T17:58:00.000+08:00

I miss you, BF.

2010-12-29T21:50:00.002+08:00

There you have it. The Sakina with the smile. Some may say that I'm a happy-go-lucky girl. Others may have the thinking that "pompan ni nak step jambu."

Whatever your thinking may be, I can't stop you.

Things are not being nice to me. I have always been the one sacrificing. I'm not complaining, but that's the truth. Why must it always be me who always sacrifice? Sigh.

I need to keep myself busy now. Very busy. I kept thinking of you. I just can't help it. I've missed you so much, Ayah. I really do. I'm at my lowest now. I hope you're aware of that.

That's all for now. Mucus is flowing like tap water. Urgh.

2010-12-12T12:22:00.001+08:00

SHIT.

I HAVE TWO DAYS LEFT.

JUST TWO DAYS.

SIGH.

2010-11-28T21:37:00.003+08:00

I have less than 3 weeks left before you leave. This is really hard. With the fact that no one will layan me. Be it face-to-face or through smses and calls. This will also be a new experience for me. Yes, I am independent. But at times I need someone to console me when I'm down, cheer me up when I'm at my lowest. But with the given situation that we have, I don't think it's possible for you to do that. I'm just not strong enough to let you go. I'm gonna miss each and every of your smses and calls. Call me merepek, I don't care.

"Kau terlalu istimewa buat ku Sayang"

2010-10-29T20:54:00.004+08:00

Let's do a proper update after so much lame reasons of not wanting to update the blog.

I'm currently back in Pasir Ris. So if anyone wants to meet me, you may do so.

I've also started working. My first full-time job. Alhamdulillah. Five and a half days of work. Office hours. I'm not telling where, but my workplace is in the east.

People have been asking me how's my life going on right now. How's life? Alhamdulillah doing good. Keeping myself busy with work, so that I don't waste time on something not beneficial.

So much personal things have happened, but I'm never gonna reveal my personal problems here. What's important is, I'm not pregnant nor getting married. So no worries. I'm still up for grabs. HAHAHA!

2010-10-10T23:58:00.002+08:00

Not everything that you have is yours. Sometimes you have to learn to let it go, even if your heart is aching. You just don't have any other choice.

2010-09-02T16:56:00.003+08:00

Last night's iftar was enjoyable! With the fact that I got to meet Neesa, A'eez and Sue, it's just awesome! Went karaoke-ing after iftar. That was what makes it enjoyable. Then I met Farhan to buy for him his screen protector and phone cover. So much of having a younger brother. Oh well, tanggungjawab.

On the other part of the story, I'm disappointed. Am i not important to you anymore? Is it so hard to drop me just one sms saying that you're going out? It's not as if I'm gonna say no right? like what people termed it, report strength. Sigh. You didn't even apologize. I'm not expecting it, but as a form of courtesy, I need to get an apology right? Sigh. I still need you okay. Please.

2010-08-27T13:18:00.000+08:00

Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting. At least when you’re alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

2010-08-21T11:59:00.002+08:00

Why i choose mobile rather than talk things out?

This is because if we were to meet up, it will always go back to normal. With the usual "I'm sorry" and things like that. Yes, at times I do make you angry. But whatever I did, it was never about lying.

Surprisingly, you lied. I really appreciate it. It's time you learn your lesson.

I'm seriously losing faith on us. Seriously. And I'm sorry for that.

2010-06-26T14:50:00.001+08:00

I'm bored. Enough said. Period.

2010-06-22T01:26:00.001+08:00

It is exactly a month since we last went out. A month is equivalent to 30 days. Not long enough? C'mon. I need you okay. Spare some time for me please? I'm begging you.

2010-06-13T04:38:00.003+08:00

you did it again , and this is the second time.

I'll either ignore you or I'll back off from this whole thing.

It's really sickening!

2010-05-18T02:31:00.004+08:00

Almost a month of disappearance. Too much to be explained.

Sometimes things just happen. Be it the way you want it or not. It just happen.

I've been having difficulties with myself lately. Difficulties on deciding what's best for me. In other words , difficulty in making decisions. I'm seriously not good at it. It's not about choosing clothes or food. It's about the matters of heart. I'm just not good at it , like seriously.

I just don't want to hurt anybody as far as possible. Set me free please?

2010-04-21T15:48:00.002+08:00

Got this from my friend's blog.

"A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love , only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now , he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Just let it go. "

So what should I do now? To wait or to let go?

2010-04-09T16:02:00.002+08:00

To lose a someone who is close to you is one of the worse things that you wouldn't want it to happen.

I miss your presence. Please come back. :(

"Just hold on to me
I'll hold on to you "

2010-04-06T15:48:00.002+08:00

I have two days left only. Thursday to be exact. Then the tragedy that happened ten years ago will come back to me. Somehow or rather , I don't think I'm strong enough to face it this year. It has been in ten long years already. TEN YEARS. It was never easy for me , Farhan , Ibu and the whole family. The impact was so great that I can still feel it till now.

Ayah ,

Kina miss ayah. Kina rindu ayah sangat sangat. I may look strong on the outside , but I'm still your small little girl. that small little girl who is missing her father so much. I'm not sure whether you can read this or not. It doesn't matter. If you can , I want just one request. Hadir dalam mimpi Kina. Hanya pada malam tu je. I just want to see your face. Even if it is for a moment , I'm okay with it. What's important is , I get to see your face. Kina betul betul rindukan ayah. Semoga ayah tenang di alam sana. Insyallah amiin.

Al - Fatihah.

2010-03-15T18:29:00.004+08:00

Suddenly I miss blogging.

Schedule's been mean to me. It didn't give me time to have my own time. Oh well.

Sidetrack.

I would always try my best to do some soul searching every night before I sleep. So this came to mind yesterday night ; "What happened to the people who have been close to me before? Where are they now? Are they okay?"
It's funny , I know. Then answers start coming in. Then suddenly it narrowed to one person , Izam. That was when I started thinking , and this came into my mind.

" Things doesn't always go your way. At times , things get out of hand. When it gets out of hand , that's where you start to do things without using your functionally healthy brain. "

So Izam ,
whatever you're doing right now , wherever you are , whoever you're with right now , do take care of yourself. I'm doing fine here. No worries , I've put everything behind and I'm okay with it. Send my regards to your family okay? I miss every one of them , especially your Ibu. If you need my help , just drop me a message or give me a call. I'll help wherever I can. :)

Alright. Next topic.

To You ,
I would appreciate if you can stop your act. your pathetically sympathetic act. I find it irritating. If you think that I'm too much , so are you. You are the one who make things difficult. So , do whatever is possible alright. You're big enough to think and act like one. So please. Make full use of your brain.

One last thing.

I miss DoublE Zack. So much.

2010-03-04T01:24:00.002+08:00

I've got no more time for myself anymore. Schedule's very hectic. I'm mentally and physically worn out. HELP ME!

2010-02-09T13:20:00.003+08:00

After months of being away , here I am , back to where I was supposed to be doing for the past few months , BLOGGING.

A lot of things have changed eversince. I'm not longer staying at my comfort zone. It's just temparory though. Just a bit of endurance.

So far , there's not much changes on my side. Still struggling to gain weight , but to no avail. Hahahaha! Family's doing okay. Farhan is now in Meridian Junior College. Taking up science stream. Ibu still teaching home based. I'm still schooling and teaching at the same place.

Just wanna update about yesterday night.
Qasrina and Qistina was watching tv when I reached home from work. The moment the two trolls saw me , they rushed to the gate. I will give them stickers every time I reach home , just for the fun of it. So this was how the conversation goes.

Qasrina: Kina worb (work) eh? Kina bawak sticker?
Qistina was smiling excitedly.
Me: alamak , Kina lupa nak bawak sticker la..
Qistina: apa Kina ni.. Kina da tua eh?
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

How would you react if a two-and-a-half year old kid talks to you like that? I was speechless! Laughed like mad. I really didn't expect her to say that. Kids nowadays are so clever. Hahaha!

Alright. Got to do some work now. I'll update as often as I can. Oh , apologies for being hiatus. Take care people. :)

2009-10-02T13:51:00.001+08:00

It's already time for me to go.

Goodbye , You.

2009-09-25T15:52:00.002+08:00

Let's make an update after a short break.

First Syawal was , as usual , very fun and enjoyable. Prayed at Istighfar mosque in the morning. Went to Sheng Siong. (I know , sungguh tak glamour).
Then stayed home to wait for the guests to come. Made our way to late Ayah's side in the evening. Managed to meet up with the cousins. Most of them , I should say. Then back home.

Syawal has always been a great month. With all the food and gatherings and of course , the cash input. Sungguh gembira sekaliii!

Last but not least , I would like to apologise to all for every of my wrongdoings. From the bottom of my heart , I'm sorry.

2009-09-20T08:20:00.003+08:00

I'm not quite sure what is happening specifically , but what I'm very sure is , he already left. For good. Padan muka kau , Keen. Salah kau jugak. Berani buat , berani tanggung.

Sidetrack.

I'm in a very deep trench. I'm trapped. Trapped by my own mistakes. But what he said was true. What's done is done. To you , all the very best to you and your girlfriend or going-to-be girlfriend. You have my prayers. That's the best that I can do. :)

Syawal is here. So Keeen nak minta maaf kepada semua sekiranya Keen ada salah dan silap kepada semua. Harap salah dan silap Keen dimaafkan. Sesungguhnya Keen adalah manusia yang lemah.

Last but not least ,
Selamat Hari Raya semuaaaa!

2009-09-15T02:22:00.002+08:00

I am very sad now.

I'm at my lowest point now.

*cries*

2009-09-11T17:32:00.003+08:00

Yesterday's outing with cousins was FUN! Actually it only involves 3 out of I'm-not-sure-how-many-cousins-I-have. There were Shaa , Deezack and My Brother , Farhan. :)

First stop was Marina Square. It was only Me and Shaa. Shaa wanted to find tops at Zara , but ended up with nothing. Macam biase jugak! After Marina was to Suntec. Suntec was soooooo crowded because of COMEX 2009. Browsed at MNG , Springfield , Topshop and Topman and Fat Face. Nothing spotted my eyes. Padahal da spare extra cash untuk nak belanje seyy! RAWR!

Called the boys to ask them where they were. Suddenly my mind was thinking of having Nasi Briyani from Zam-Zam for break fast. So I told the boys to meet up at Bugis for our break fast before deciding where to go next. Went for a little shopping at Bugis street. But as per normal , Shaa ended up with nothing. Padahal die yang semangat sangat nak beli something from Bugis Street. HAHAHAHA!

Around 1815 , we proceeded to Zam-Zam to chop places. To our surprise , the place was almost full. Luckily there's place for the 4 of us. Our spot was right next to the road. My mind was thinking ; "ni kalau la kreta terbabas ke ape , confirm aku yg pegi dulu sey."

After breaking fast , we decided to go gay-lang since the boys haven't get their baju kurung. from Bugis , we took bus 2 all the way to gay-lang. Once we reached gay-lang , it was , macam biase jugak , crowded. Surveyed the boys' baju kurung but didn't manage to find to their standard. Cerewet la kate kan. Farhan is going to find his baju kurung on his own.

After long hours at gay-lang , met up with the aunties , whom coincidentally where there as well. Had a small chat before we were sent home.

Back at home , had a little chat with Farhan about my current situation. "Kalau adik jadi ______ pon adik tak layan kakak sey. Kakak yang salah abey nak expect orang to accept your changes immediately. _______ needs time la kakak. Kalau ______ sayang kakak , _____mesti datang kat kakak balik. Sabar okay." After that , tears came rolling on my cheeks.

I'm really blessed to have Farhan with me. He gave me good advices. Even though he is 2 years younger than me , he can understand how I'm feeling right now. All the best for your O's. If you need any help , you know where to find me. I love you , Farhan.

2009-09-07T20:52:00.002+08:00

YESSAAAA!

I have one paper left. Then 3 weeks of holidays. Gay-rek or whuttt!

I've been browsing through my friends' blogs. Wooo! So many differences. Ade yang da ade mataer , ade yang ade masalah dgn mataer. Sume yang ade kena mengena dengan mataer la. HAHAHA!

All the best to you all ey. Be patient tau. jangan mengamok and cemburu tak tentu pasal. In relationships , there's always fights , arguments and misunderstandings. So you must really endure.

Oh yes , Hari Raya is around the corner. People have started asking "keen pakai baju colour ape this year? couple ke sendiri?"
My answer will be "entah ey. Keen tak pasti colour ape. Couple ke sendiri bukan masalah (insert the-person-who-ask-me-the-question's name).
The fact is , I'm not couple-ing with anyone this year. I'm still waiting for him. I'm still waiting for MI B MI. Don't worry , I'll endure. :)

Quite a long post huh? Got a lot of time laa. Hah!

Alright then. I'll stop here for the moment. Before I end my post , I'll leave a note to that someone.

MI B MI ,
I'm still waiting , and I will wait. Whatever you do , wherever you are , do take good care of yourself. Ride safely. If you need me , do let me know. I'm just a call away. :)

2009-08-31T21:10:00.003+08:00

It's been 10 days since Ramadhan started. But I managed to fast for 6 days. Hah!

Well , nothing much has changed. The house is back to normal. Better , I should say.

Oh ya , I'm having my exams now. So I won't be able to blog so much.

Another thing.

Zeeq! If you were to read this , do give me a call or sms alright? Thanks bey!

Till then. Take care all. :)

2009-08-16T11:35:00.000+08:00

BLOGGER IS GIVING ME PROBLEMS!

S.O.S PLEEEAAASSSEEEEEE!

2009-08-02T21:22:00.002+08:00

Well well well , things are very complicated now. But I'm gonna push everything away from me. Get it?

School's been pressurising these days. Attendance is one of the factor. I'm not saying my attendance is bad , but classmates'. I don't know what is in their mind. Go school if they feel like it. Well , their life anyways. Hah! So much of me being busybody huh? I'm just reminding you guys this. If your attendance is not 80% , you can't take exams. Remember that. Well , suit yourself. Exams are coming up you guys.

Next.

Work's been an another issue as well. Lesson plans are not ready yet. 5 weeks of it. I have to get it over and done with by Tuesday. Die-die must get it done. Students have been giving me hell. Not listening to instructions and make the class very noisy. I'm thinking of a way out to overcome this problem. And I have to do it fast. Because I'm all alone now , without Shuu. Well , I have to learn to be more independent now.

Moving on.

House condition is I-don't-know-how-to-describe-it. Final decision is made. I hope it's for the best for all , seriously. I'm just too tired now. I don't want any cold wars between us now. Goodbye. I'm gonna miss you all.

Lastly.

I have 4 days left only.

Till then. Take care.

2009-07-22T23:56:00.003+08:00

Last week and this week are going to be my hectic week.
schooling and teaching simultaneously. How fun life can be , right?

Whatever it is , I was very happy last Friday. To be exact , 17 July 2009. After so many months of not meeting up , we finally met up. I'm very grateful to him to have agreed to meet me up. Even though it was last minute. Thank you , Shyla's Guitarist. I really appreciate it. :)

To those who are wondering why I didn't make myself present for the Nenek-lu's gathering , I'm really sorry for that. I have to attend something important. You girls are really missed by me , I swear! I'll make it up next time alright. Again , I'm very sorry.

That's about all now.
Lesson plans for 5 weeks , meetings and events need to be cleared and executed accordingly. Time to crack heads with my assistant. gay-rek ape! All the best to me!

That's all for now. Will update more if I have the time. Stay tuned. Take care all! :)

2009-07-16T16:07:00.002+08:00

Apologies for not updating. It's been hectic for me. Seriously.

I'm doing fine. Just a few hiccups and some asthma attacks. Don't worry. :)

"Love is something hard. If it's easy , it wouldn't mean anything."

Logic enough? I think it is. Losing Ayah was very hard for me , but losing him was even harder than I could ever imagine. Can i turn back time? I wished I can.

Can we be like how we used to be? I hope so.

Last but not least ,
the house condition will be back to how it was. I'm not even elaborating on it. Think about it.

That's all for now. Do take care of yourself. Remember your medications. Stay home if you're sick.

Toodles!

2009-07-05T03:11:00.002+08:00

Let's clear the air , shall we?

I've been having problems with my emotions lately. I have unstable emotions every single day. It makes matters worse when I'm at home. Arguments , arguments and more arguments. These things are really testing my patience. Really.

Yes , I know I am strong. But sometimes , I have my weak moments as well , right? I can't possibly be strong all the time , you see.

Sometimes I just hope that the court proceedings can happen asap. I just can't take it anymore. Sometimes only. Well , that's life.

And to you ;
thanks a million for the lies. I really appreciate it. Very very much. Now back off!

2009-06-29T17:20:00.002+08:00

I just can't believe it. You have the courage to lie and act nothing happen. No use talking when you're denying. When I asked , you said ; "how did you get to know about it?"
Oh come on! How idiot can you be. I have a lot of friends that know you la okay. So no use telling lies to me. I'm just disappointed with you. You're just different now. I think I'll just have to draw a line between this friendship. I just don't want to get hurt. Yet again.
Well take care , You.

2009-06-21T19:03:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna pour out everything soon.
I AM VERY ANGRY!

2009-06-16T15:52:00.000+08:00

I'm just so depressed now. Very depressed.

2009-06-14T21:48:00.001+08:00

I miss you so.

2009-06-05T02:45:00.002+08:00

At times I feel that I'm not totally to be blamed over the matter. Yes , it was my mistake but it doesn't revolve between the two of us only , isn't it? there was a third party. A third party. You can have the thinking of ; "you're just putting the blame on others and not yourself!" or maybe "it's just no use talking about it anymore. We're through!"

But can't it be improved? Or rather better than how we are right now? I know that you have the plan of 'throwing' me far from your life , but every time you want to do it , I'll come into the picture. And again , the cold war continues between us.

Some of you will have the thinking of me being desperate. If you have that thinking , you are totally wrong. I've think it through. It was a mistake that I've done. It can't be undone. It's irreversible. I've been thinking about it maturely.

I can't expect you to forget about the incident. Not at all. But please , consider it. I'm just speechless over this matter. This will always make me cry to sleep. Every single night. Thinking of what I've done to you. You might not have any mistakes , but I do make mistakes. A terrible mistake. I really regret making that decision. I really do.

Whatever it is , all the best to you both. I'm happy for you , But I'm not happy with myself. Get it?

2009-06-02T09:07:00.002+08:00

Ibu's not gonna be home till tomorrow. I still remember , every time when Ibu's not home , we'll always meet up and have a ride.

"Keeen , you are such an idiot!"

A single mistake ,
but a lifetime of regret.

2009-06-02T02:05:00.001+08:00

I'm such a bummer! Things aren't suppose to be this way! I am evil! I really am!

Damn.

I miss you so much.

2009-05-28T01:38:00.002+08:00

Here goes nothing. ehheemm!

I would like to thank No. 4 and her No. 5 for making us very very stupid. Thanks for making us betray the one that we actually loved. Thanks uh ey! You both brain-washed us until we hate the one that has been there for us all these while. You controlled us as if we're officially yours.

You both have done a lot of homework to make sure we fall for your bloody trap with your sweet-talks ey? Y'know , all those nice words you used just to make us attracted to you? And we , unfortunately , fell for your words. How stupid can we be!

After all that , you both have done so much damage to our relationship. And as for mine , it can't be reversed (as what my other half said). You see? How much damage you both have done? I'm pretty pissed off actually. We girls had a talk about the matter. As we shared our experiences , layer by layer of your lies surfaced. By the end of the conversation , we knew your real agenda of getting us attracted to you. How could you both be so heartless? And it's not only No. 4 and No. 5 , but it's the whole group! You all are like a group of youths with the same attitude. Call yourself some ______ youths! You all don't even act like one!

Things are different now. You both have fun sweet-talking other girls. We are through with you both. We don't want to have anything got to do with the whole bunch of you. Goodbye yous.

Ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
Meski ku tunggu hingga hujung waktuku
Dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
Dan izinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
Tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
Dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejap saja

2009-05-27T11:40:00.001+08:00

I'm gonna let it out very very very very sooooon!
You know what I mean , Zeeq!

It's gonna be fun!

2009-05-24T15:51:00.002+08:00

I'm down with a very very very very bad sore throat. (Take note of the very in order to know how bad it is. Heh!)

It was not so bad on Friday. It got worse on Saturday morning , around o430. It is still getting worse up until now. I hope I still have some voice to communicate with others.

Last night's conversation with Mr Manager was a killer! I had to repeat my sentence a few times before he can understand the whole sentence. But overall , he got used to it. Thanks Mr Manager. Thanks for last night's conversation.

2009-05-22T16:17:00.000+08:00

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakinimu
Kau tercipta untukku
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku

I really miss you.

2009-05-16T13:50:00.003+08:00

The moment I stepped around that area , my legs were all jelly. The memories rushed through my small head. All of it. I can't help it but to go to that place. The moment I put my butt at the seat , I saw your face before me. It was like real. But I know it is not. The times when I meet you up after your Friday Training. The place where we spent time before you went back home , by bus , back then. The view was not even close to nice. It was facing the canal. The other end of the canal was a fishing pond. Not even a nice place , isn't it? But that was the spot where we talked , laughed and ate. It was one of the spots where we meet up , and it is still my favourite. It's none other than The 'Zoo'.

2009-05-14T23:52:00.002+08:00

I know what is on your mind now.
My words can't be trusted , right?
I told you that I'm not gonna be involve in any events but I'm going for the official opening , right?
I believe you have that thinking.
Oh come on!
I'm not going la.
I have other better things to do than going there.
You can breath easy now. :D

2009-05-12T12:35:00.002+08:00

You are gone
I used to love you.
You are gone
That's the plain truth.
You are gone
Never coming back.

I hope you come back.

2009-05-10T21:49:00.002+08:00

My pay for this month will be twice or thrice the usual pay. My working hours is 10 solid hours. Baik ape! Lepas ni swensens' uh eyyy! Izam and Zeeq , get ready yo!

2009-05-06T23:06:00.003+08:00

I was in the mosque for the whole day today. Full shift. Baik ape! By the third session , I was already tired. This will go on till Friday. From 0800 to 2200. How wonderful life can be. Lepas ni tunggu gaji aje uhh. Confirm banyak punya! :D

To have something that you want , you have to earn it. Whether it is going to be the easy way or hard way. Whatever the way is , you have to earn it. It won't come by itself.

Another thing , be responsible for your own decision. Don't blame others if you're at fault. Blame yourself. Don't be like me. Having to be pushed away. But again , I can't blame others. I must blame myself. It was my foolishness. Taking things for granted. Oh well.

Lately , I break down easily. Even with the slightest mistake that I've done. I've learnt a lot. A lot means a lot. Oh never mind.

Oh by the way , I'm no longer the Nurul Sakina that you know. I'm now the old Nurul Sakina. How is it different? Only he knows.

Oh , I miss this girlf of mine. Very much indeed.

2009-05-06T09:34:00.002+08:00

"At the very beginning, everything seemed as if it could last till the very end. However, sad to say, it ended at the very beginning."

True enough it is. It ended suddenly , right? I'm gonna make it up to you , I swear! I'm taking back my love.

2009-05-01T16:42:00.002+08:00

I just finished browsing through his pictures. He really fits in the category of boyfriend I want. From his face , his smile , his skin colour. Every thing fits in nicely. I did become his very important person in life before, but after some incident , it totally change the whole situation. He's trying his very best to forget me , and I , trying my very best to make things up. I hope things will get well between us. I'll hold on to my words , Boy. Seriously.

Oh why am I even typing out about the same old thing again and again? Prolly I miss him too much. I believe so.

2009-04-30T12:40:00.002+08:00

The last day of April.

Happy Birthday , Kak Ud! :)
Have a wondeful birthday with Hanin and Aleesa alright!
I love you , Dear Neighbour!

Sidetrack.
I miss Zeeq. I miss her smses and late night calls. Let's do a bit of sacrifice , shall we? All the best for your Phase Test , girlf! ilyvm. You know i do.

Aku sungguh masih sayang padamu
Jangan sampai kau meninggalkan aku
Begitu sangat berharga dirimu
Bagi ku

2009-04-24T12:33:00.002+08:00

The White Rose.

To the person who made this for me ,

Life is different the moment I walked out of your life. A small mistake that made me regret my whole life. Not listening to you was the greatest mistake. I remembered you saying this to me ; "dengar cakap I. Kalau tak , benda tu nanti jadi kat you."

True enough , it is. Memang patut la ni sume terjadi. I can't blame anyone else except for myself. I hope that these shits will end soon , and equivalent to what I've been doing to you. For a million times I'm saying this ; I'm very sorry. I hope things will be better between us after this retribution. I miss you very much.

2009-04-23T12:04:00.000+08:00

I think I want to give up. Can I?

2009-04-21T16:00:00.002+08:00

After so much complains of lack of updates , here I am , updating. Well , sorry for the lack of updates. No time.

Ever since I started teaching , I'm starting to feel the work load now. Lesson plans and reports. How interesting teaching can be. Ni belom start skola lagi. Kalau da start skola , confirm lagi busy punye. Once I reach home , usually before 2200 , for sure I'll be very lethargic. It will go on till Thursday. I'm left with Fridays and weekends to spend my time with family.

As for youth friends at the mosque , I would like to apologise to you guys. I won't be able to join as much activities now. I'm very tied down with my work. I will try my best to come down for meetings or camps , but no promises. Sorry guys.

I need to rearrange my focus in life. I need to work hard to support my family. Relationships? Not now , maybe later. I need to heal first.

Oh , as for you , I miss your presence. I miss Ibu and Nenek especially. Send my regards to them. I believe you read my blog regularly. Take good care of yourself. Don't skip meals , please. Oh , ride safely too.

Specially for Zeeq ;
I miss you so much! Ever since you stared schooling , we have lesser time to communicate. I don't blame you for that. I truly understand that you're very tired with school. Just wanna say some things. Do your revision regularly. It's not going to be easy , I tell you. Don't forget your meals. Read my blog regularly. There will be something for you in every post. Take care Zeeq! I love you okay!

2009-04-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

I miss you , MI B MI.
Take good care of your safely.
Ride safely.

2009-04-14T16:25:00.001+08:00

I'm speechless.
After what I've been doing , I get this in return?
Maybe it's retribution.
Oh well.

My heart is really shattered now.

2009-04-10T01:21:00.002+08:00

A relationship is based on trust and understanding. Both parties have to give and take , and work out their differences if they really care and treasure each other.

Anwar wrote this the other day. I find it nice , so i save it in my phone. Thanks for the words , Anwar.

What it actually means? I'm not sure about it.
Who is it for? That someone.

2009-04-09T00:05:00.002+08:00

08 April marks the day you left me hanging. You left me right after Subuh Prayer. Without a sign. I was only 9 years old then. I had to bear a very big responsibility. To take care of Farhan and Ibu. Everything happened 9 years ago. The day you passed away , Ayah Zainudin.

And today is the ninth year. I hate this particular date. It makes my remind so much of you , Ayah. I can't help it but to break down on every 08 April. be it in the middle of the night or day-time or even night-time. I felt lost at that time. Not knowing what actually happened. But I was certain that I lost someone important in my life. I was very certain of that , when Ibu called from Madinah.

And to tell you the truth , Ayah , even after 9 years you left me , I still feel that you're still alive. Can you imagine that? 9 years , but still , my mindset is still the same. I have always have this thinking of getting to meet you. But it will never ever happen. Never.

That is all for you , Ayah Zainudin. I miss you , Ayah Zainudin.

2009-04-04T13:55:00.002+08:00

Love is wonderful. Love makes you have butterflies in your stomach. Love makes you feel appreciated. Love makes you feel loved. Love is everything nice.

No , I'm not in love. But she is. All the best to you both.

2009-03-28T14:08:00.002+08:00

Little things that you're doing makes me realise something. Understanding and trust. To understand someone is not easy. To trust what they are doing is even harder. But after all the advices that I got , I just need to be patient. Things will turn out the way I want if I'm patient enough to face it. As fr now , I need to endure. Really endure.

"Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do"

2009-03-23T14:32:00.003+08:00

Let's just update on what really happened during the weekends , shall we?

Last Friday , Zeeqeen went for a camp organised by ennaeem mosque. But the actual campsite was at Sembawang mosque. What I can describe about the camp was awesoomeeeee! It really was. From the getting to know each other session to the activities. One thing that I can't possibly forget during get-to-know-each-other session was , Khamsani introduced himself as "Muhammad saya Khamsani" , while actually it should be "Nama saya Muhammad Khamsani." Fierce eyyyy! Hahahaahah!

Next is the activities. To me , the activities was okay. Even though it was a little bit , but Zeeqeen used the free time to get to know the others and bond with them. Zeeqeen really bonded with Anwar the most. Hahahah! Fierce ape Anwaaaaar! The guys were awesome. Fadhil , Firhan , Khairul and Haikal was there. So at the very least , I know some of the guys. As for the girls , I only know Hidayah and Hirdayu. But as the camp go on , I know all of the campers! How fun can this be maaaann!

My target for this camp was met ; that was to have fun and meet new friends. Again , Anwar was the best among all. He was the most important person to have in every camp! Joker uh abeyyyy! You people should see when he wore telekung and kain. It was hilarious abes nyeee!

The most important thing I learnt during the camp was Fear and X and Y. That was the worse. I really felt damn guilty. Sorry Firhan and company. It wasn't intentional , seriously. Ust Hanafi and Ust Muhd Noh did guide us during the camp. It really help me and Anwar , especially. Anwar lagi. Tak abes abes Anwar eyy. Takpe la Anwar. Kasi limelight siket eyyy. Hahahahah!

The unhappy part was the mosquito bites. I have it all on my legs and hands. Thanks uh nyamuk!

The sad part was the last part. The saying goodbye part. It was very sad indeed. Apologised to the other campers and a hug to the girls. Thank you so much girls. I really appreciate it. Even though I was sick , all of you , including the guys , were soooo concerned about it.

To those who have already know the real situation that I'm currently in , just excuse me if I'm not myself. I have my own setbacks. I'm sure you all do have your own setbacks , right Anwar? Anwar laaaaagii. Hahahahah!

Last but not least , I would like to thank every single one of you that participated in the camp. I felt really welcomed. I hope that we can meet again in the next outing or so. Take care okay. Don't forget your medication if you're sick. Oh ya , if there's camps or outings , janga lupa orang sini yeeee! :)

2009-03-22T21:53:00.002+08:00

Happy 46th birthday Ayah Zainudin. I miss you very much. I hope you're doing fine up there. I miss you.

Lots of love ;
Keeen

Apologise

2009-03-20T08:52:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been busy la , I think.

Just so you all know , I'm down with flu and cough. Mucus flowing like a waterfall and phlem is like soooooooooo thick. I need to get well. Urgh.

If you've decided to end the friendship , I'm fine with it. I've had enough of arguments with you. You know who you are. I'm being kind enough not to reveal your name. You ever cursed me , called me names and so much more. I deal with an open heart. But the other day was way too much. So , that's the end of it. I don't lose anything here. Goodbye , you.

On a lighter note , I'm getting my pay sooooooon! After pay is in , swensens' is the place. Take note of it , Zeeq and Izam. I'll let you both know about it very sooooon!

Take care people!

Much loved ;
Keeen

85th.

2009-03-14T19:13:00.001+08:00

My heart skipped a beat
When i think about it
My mind went blank
My heart ache a bit
I don't know why
This is killing me deep inside
It really do

yours truly ;
Keeen

2009-03-10T22:20:00.000+08:00

Happy 16th.

Lots of love ;
Keeen

2009-03-09T22:23:00.002+08:00

Start of the week was okay. House-keeping and teaching kept me occupied.

Oh ya , Zeeq is a 'Malaysian' huh? How impressive! All the best , Zeeq! Whatever nationality you are , I still love you okay! Aku sayang kau. And another person. You know who. :)

About the hate-tag , don't worry people. I'm okay. Whoever that person is , I assume the person wants to bring me down. Well , try harder okay! All the best!

That's it. Take care people!

love ;
Keeen

2009-03-05T13:41:00.002+08:00

To you ,
I miss your presence. We've known each other for more than a year. I've known you inside out , same goes to you. The last time we met was an eye opener to me. You ignored my inner feelings. You're pushing me away. My smses were not replied. I just hope the bond that we made all these while won't fade. I really hope you're doing fine. Just so you know that I still have all of our pictures together. Take care. I miss you.

2009-03-04T17:42:00.001+08:00

Caught up.

Him.

2009-02-28T12:50:00.002+08:00

I dreamt about Ayah Zainudin last night. I miss every inch of him. I'm really down now. To add it up , I had my asthma attack yesterday night. I'm really weak. I lost my pillar of strength at the age of 9. That's it. Enough said.

79th.

2009-02-26T23:30:00.004+08:00

I can now declare myself very busy on weekdays.

Weekdays are days that keeps me busy all day round. Especially Mondays till Thursdays. Teaching is a very tiring career. You have to make sure that the students understand what we , teachers , are talking about. Plan on what to do for the day. Taking great responsibilities. It's not easy at all. Now I feel the stress. Little kids can be a pain in the ass at times.

I've learned to be more patient after I started working. Patient with little kids or youths or adult? I'm not sure about it. I'm still learning to be a better person for all. So sorry for the tak perlu attitude at times. Being a god person is never easy.

As for family matters , I can't be bothered with the latest updates. What's important to me is just Ibu and Farhan. Only. Others? Just can't be bothered. No blood relations anyway.

For those who think that Keeen and Haziq have something on , let me clarify this. Haziq is just a friend of mine. We've been friends for quite sometime. Yes , we're close. Very close. But we have already draw a line to differentiate friendship and relationship. So get your facts right before spreading rumors alright! I'm not angry , no worries. Just get your facts right , that's all.

I miss this idiot.

2009-02-22T13:25:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I went out with Farhan , Dzul aaannnndd Haziq Amsyar. *eehhheeemmm!*
The plan was to buy for myself and Farhan a crumpler bag. Since I've started working , Farhan insisted on buying him a crumpler bag. So I decided to buy for him and myself as well.

Initially we went to Century Square since Haziq said that there's crumpler bags at Miz 29. But when we reached Miz 29 , Farhan said that the model that he wants is not there. So he suggested to go Raffles City. Farhan was so happy to see the bag that he wanted was at Raffles City. Pick and choose the ones that we wanted and proceed to pay the bill. It cost me a huge bomb! But since he's the only brother I have , tkpe la. Lagipun bukan nya selalu kn. Heh!

After some complains from me that I as soooooo hungry , we decided to go Marina Square's food court to eat. Haziq was being a boss. Everything he bought was being paid. Heh! After much eating and laughter , we proceeded to Starbucks at Raffles City. Abang Faris is working there. We got a FREE drink la oyy! What a kind cousin I have! At around 1900 , we made our way back to the train station.

Below are the pictures snapped. Most of it are pictures of Keeen and Haziq.

Thanks for the day boys! You really made my day!

2009-02-21T14:38:00.002+08:00

I didn't expect that things will be this way. I'm really down now.

2009-02-19T15:01:00.002+08:00

I'm in my ugly look at the moment. My skin is starting to exfoliate due to Sentosa's outing the other day. Now Zeeq calls me a snake , who is changing its skin. I feel so ugly. Really ugly. When can this be overrrr? I wanna feel pretty again , or maybe better than my current situation? URGH!

Other than that , I've started working. House-keeping and teaching. It's been a hectic week. Now i turn in much earlier than before. Once Cinta Fitri ends , I'll turn in straight. No hanky panky anymore. If not , I'll be very sleepy the next day. As for now , Monday till Thursday I'll be very very very busy. From morning till night. I'll only be free on Friday and weekends. If anyone wants to bring me out or treat me lunch or whatsoever , let me know in advance okay!

Till then , take care! :)

It's the 75th.

2009-02-17T14:38:00.002+08:00

Weekends were really packed.

Saturday - Went out in the morning to attend my cousin's wedding ceremony. Talked. Shouted. Eating my hearts desire. Having fun. You name it. It was done there , at a wedding ceremony. It ended at 2000 or so. Was sent home. At about 2300 or so , went out again. This time , to E!hub to bowl. Guess what? I've got the least points among all. That's how bad I am in bowling. Hah! Reached my aunt's place around 0300 , had late supper and then was forced to sleep.

Sunday - Woke up at 0800. Get ready. Off to Sentosa. Bermandi manda till 1830. Washed up. Then off to VivoCity to have dinner. Went straight home after that. I turned in quite early.

Monday - Woke up at 0900. Got ready and off to grandparents' place with Zeeq. Had a little chat with grandmother and off to my aunt's place which is nearby. Did my job. At about 1400 , we left. Then off to SATA to accompany Zeeq for her medical check up.It was surely a quick one. I was sooooooo sleepy by then. Had late lunch at Food Culture. My food was freaking $8. Very expensive la oyy! After that , Zeeq came over to my house to lepak. Minutes after we reached home , Izam called saying that he's outside. Spent much quality time with those two trolls. At 2000 , Zeeq went home. Left Izam , Farhan and I at home. Spent some time and Izam had to go. At 2300 , I turned in.

Well , that's all for the past few days update. Oh , can I know when is my result going to be released? It's getting frustrating , y'know!

2009-02-14T11:56:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's Student Leader Investiture at Victoria School was awesomeeee! To add it up , Farhan was in as well. He's someone that I'm very very proud of. Being a Malay in Victoria School is no joke. You have to compete with other races just to be noticed. Zeeqeen was being super hyper during the event. Clapped our hands till it hurts. Malay students were our priority. Once the Malay students are on stage , Zeeqeen clapped like nobody cared. It was worse when Farhan was on stage! "Muhammad Farhan as the Unit Sergeant Major!" Clapped like drums and made some noise. Some makcik were looking at me and have this thinking ; "eh eh budak ni , da la pakai tudung abey buat bising pulak." But I don't give a damn la oyy! Sape tk bangga kan kalau adik sendiri naik stage and ade pangkat paling tinggi kan? Well , he has the highest ranking in NCC(Land). The first Malay student. How can I not be soooo proud of him right? I'm sure Ayah will be also proud of him if he was still here.

Well Farhan , remember what Mr Oh said yesterday. Be a great leader to your peers. Even though Ayah is not here with us anymore , I'm sure he knows everything. I'm very very very proud of you , Muhammad Farhan Bin Zainudin. I really am.

Sidetrack. Zeeq didn't know that clever students do have their crazy sides until what she saw yesterday. Victorians cheered all the all after the event. It was damn loud! How I wish my former school had all these events. So Zeeq , don't think that all those clever-headed people don't have their crazy sides aye! they're just like us. Humans. Hah!

Ziyad *eehheemmm!*

Hafidzhin

Muhammad Farhan Bin Zainudin

Zeeqeen

73th.

2009-02-13T12:31:00.001+08:00

Have a safe journey , Kakak Yaya. You've been a very good foster sister to me. It's just so sad to see you go. Be strong okay , Foster Family. I miss you all.

2009-02-11T16:42:00.005+08:00

Hi readers! I'm Nayli Qasrina. I'm 19 months. I'm Keeen's cousin. Or maybe , I'm Keeen's illegal sister. Well , she's been taking care of my twin sister and I since we were not born yet. Oh , did I tell you that I have an elder twin sister? They're Nurul Natasha and Nurul Allysha. After them was myself and my twin sister , Nayli Qasrina and Nayli Qistina , respectively. We always make Keeen(or rather Kakak Keeen) come to our house so that we can go Compass Point or wherever we want to go.

As you know , toddlers like us doesn't like to be in the pram. We looooove to roam around. So Kakak Keen has to make sure that we don't bump into whatsoever. At times , I pity her. But who cares! I want to go out. It's great to know that you have someone to take care of you when you're outside , y'know. Especially toddlers like us! She can be irritating when she reprimand us , but it's okay. I know she has our interest at heart. Another thing , sometimes I call her "a-bu"(actually it's Ibu la). Hahahaha! I like to laugh at Kakak Keen if she were to knock on something , such as table or chairs. I'm naughty , I know. But she never scold us , instead she will also laugh together with us. How sweet can I be right , to make people laugh together with me?

Even though I'm still small , I can still understand what the adults are talking about okay! Sometimes they talked behind our back. Don't think I don't know okay adults! I loooove to disturb Qistina when she's in real concentration on something. It's fun to see her get angry. I also looooooove to watch Hi-5 , but only the CD that Ibu bought for us. I don't like the one in teevee. I'm very petty ehh! Hahahaha!

I'm tired of typing already. Let's just stop here okay! If I have the time and no one disturbs me and if Kakak Keeen left the computer for me to do what I want , I'll update again okay! Take care. Byeeeeeeeeee!

Let me just show you my legal siblings.

Top(L to R) : Nurul Natasha and Nurul Allysha
Bottom(L to R) : Nayli Qasrina and Nayli Qistina

2009-02-09T14:52:00.006+08:00

Yesterday cousins outing. 7 people in total. The initial plan was to go escape , but then , the awesome rides were closed due to maintenance or whatsoever. So we changed plan. We went to Marina Square to have our late lunch then to The Cathay to catch Bride Wars. After The Cathay was to Town area. Wasted our time window shopped. Then back home. Overall , it was splendid. We must do this often cousins! We must!

Alright , here are the pictures that I snapped but not using my own camera. Hah!

Keeen & Shaa

The 7 of us

Starbucks Coffee

Shaa , Keeen & Sasha

Keeen & Shaa

There are more than this , I swear! This is just the selected ones. To lazy to upload is the main reason. Heh!